I have come to realize while looking through the pages of DA that this is truly what I am.
I sit here looking at all the wonderful photographs on the pages and then I see mine and I have no style, no "selling point" and for some reason that disturbs me for lack of a better word.
I then realized that I am not only an amateur photographer but an amateur in most things I have done in my life, I have a book that I am trying to write, I plan on posting it here to get some feedback on what I have done so far because to be honest I am at a loss as where to go from here and that shows me that I have no...well I do not know the word for it but it feels like I am going nowhere and that scares me. Most would feel that I am just bellyaching and or feeling sorry for myself but I assure you that is not the case I am just searching myself and not liking what I am seeing at this point in my life, this book is just one aspect of what is on my mind.
One major issue I am having right now is My sister is an addict and I am powerless to do anything to help her other than let her live with me and my family and to dole out her medications (she has had 27 hernia surgeries and is still healing, two new hernias popped up this week) and that is an issue because without me helping her she would overdose on her meds she is addicted to xanax, she has become suicidal and the state refuses to do anything to help her so here is the major issue do I send her to Oregon where she "could" get help and just let it go? what if she gets out there and the people that are saying they will help change their mind? what if she gets out there and decides to end her life? what if? what if? what if?. To top all this off my wife who was very insistent on having her stay with us until she leaves is now all about getting her the hell out of here and makes it very clear she is unhappy with me for letting her be here but it really is not about my sister being here it is her kids she has the issue with they do not listen they treat their mom like shit and right now I am laid up in bed in a cast so I am not able to really do anything about it and then there is an issue with hygiene... now I know everyone..ok almost everyone at some time in their lives has had to deal with lice well my sisters kids go to their friends house and come home with it and we get rid of it and then they go back etc etc etc and my daughter (you have seen pics) has long blond hair that is very difficult to get rid of it so yes I understand when my wife gets mad about that but she can go overboard like tonight she told my 11yr old niece that she was not welcome in my home because of it. Well I have rambled enough I guess. I will just stop now before I get to depressed. I will be posting my book as soon as I can so you all may see what I have done and maybe get some ideas thank you for listening to me...I am not sure anyone actually reads these but I guess they are more for me than anything.